I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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