Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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