What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
