Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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