my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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