I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
