I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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