Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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