Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
