Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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