i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
