**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
