my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
