Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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