they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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