i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
