so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
