we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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