I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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