Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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