Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
