I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
