it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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