I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
