yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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