He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
