paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
