she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
