i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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