Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
