it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
