you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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