He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I am available for nakedness
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
