when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
