curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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