I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
