Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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