My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
