Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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