Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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