fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
