umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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