It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
