are you still at the devil's house?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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