Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the condom got lost in my hair
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
