Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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