sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
