my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
