you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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