how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
