I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
