so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I have feelings that need drinking.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
