Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
