I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
