T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Let's paint friendship bongs
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
